Disenfranchised Grief

“Disenfranchised grief” is when your heart is grieving but you can’t talk about or share your pain with others because it is considered unacceptable to others. It’s when you’re sad and miserable and the world doesn’t think you should be, either because you’re not “entitled” or because it isn’t “worth it.”



On of the example of disenfranchised grief is the loss of pet



So yeah I lose my cat. No need to talk about it, or accurately I still can't talk about it bluntly. It's breaks my heart, I lose half of my soul, dan my world shattered to pieces. If you want to know how much it breaks me then.... nope I won't tell you now. I'm not ready to do so.

This is just a way for me to talk about my grief. Since what I read from numerous arcticle (yes I read a lot of losing a pet, deal with it) acknowledge dan talk about your loss is good to heal your grief.

My life is changing. I need and should build my life again.

If you think this is crazy. If you think I'm grieving too much just for a cat, then listen. He's not just a pet, not just a cat. He's more than that. He's my friend, my ally, my other half, my family, my partner, my everything. He's there when I'm at the lowest point of my life and he never judge me, he just there with me, every time, always. He never ask me to be something, to do anything, he accept me for who am I. For whatever I am. He gives me unconditional love I can't ever get from others, he gives me warmth. He gives me stability, since he'll always there with me. I build my life around him, I plan our future together. I love him so dearly.

I cried for 3 days. Well not 3 days straight, But like at least 10-15 times a day. I barely eat, drink, or sleep for 3 days. Even breathing is hard to do. I finally get ill and my parent take me to the hospital. I have such a low blood pressure because I don't rest well and eat well. Finally on 3rd day, I talk to my high school best friend, she might not understand what I'am feeling. But at least I can cried in front of her. Besides of my high school best friend, I finally can talk to my dorm friends as well. And it went extremely well, they accept my sadness and tried to cheer me up.

Now, I rarely cried. At most I cried 1 time a day, and at bad day 2 times. Now, I can sleep, eat, and drink well. I can laugh and jokes around. I can hangout with my friends. I can function almost normally. Even so, I still can't do some things. Like:
1. Seeing his old favourite place without feeling like my heart sunk
2. I can't enjoy myself the way I used to
3. I can't used make up or perfume or dressed too nicely, for it makes me feels bad
4. Concentrate in class
5. Doing my assignment
6. Study
7. Touch and pet other cat or dog
8. Seeing cat or dog without feeling like my heart sunk
9. Heard his name without feeling like my heart sunk
10. Sleep alone, for I scared I'll be depressed
11. Committed to anything
12. Being in stressful surrounding
13. Being stress in general
14. Talk about cat or even pet in general without feeling like my heart sunk
15. I felt guilty for enjoying a nice good meal
16. I can't stop think about him
17. I often daze and daydreaming about him, which is not healthy
18. Living happy in general
19. I can't thinking myself being in love with someone in the mean time
20. I can't thinking myself love other pet beside him
21. I can't think straight or rationally
22. I'm still moody as hell
23. I can't let my self in love with someone
24. I pissed of so much from useless, annoying talk teenagers often do
25. I hate myself for grieving so much
26. I hate myself more if I don't grieving so much
27. Anything that reminds me of the last moments I had with him, kills me

I think I still have a long way to go. But I think it's alright, it's fine. One step at a time. As long I have supportive friends and family I think I can move on, slowly but sure.

"I love you and I really miss you"

Adre