Tuesday, August 15, 2017
Broiler Chicken: Debunked!!
Posted by Adre Mazaya at 12:40 AM 0 comments
Monday, February 16, 2015
Disenfranchised Grief
“Disenfranchised grief” is when your heart is grieving but you can’t talk about or share your pain with others because it is considered unacceptable to others. It’s when you’re sad and miserable and the world doesn’t think you should be, either because you’re not “entitled” or because it isn’t “worth it.”
On of the example of disenfranchised grief is the loss of pet
So yeah I lose my cat. No need to talk about it, or accurately I still can't talk about it bluntly. It's breaks my heart, I lose half of my soul, dan my world shattered to pieces. If you want to know how much it breaks me then.... nope I won't tell you now. I'm not ready to do so.
This is just a way for me to talk about my grief. Since what I read from numerous arcticle (yes I read a lot of losing a pet, deal with it) acknowledge dan talk about your loss is good to heal your grief.
My life is changing. I need and should build my life again.
If you think this is crazy. If you think I'm grieving too much just for a cat, then listen. He's not just a pet, not just a cat. He's more than that. He's my friend, my ally, my other half, my family, my partner, my everything. He's there when I'm at the lowest point of my life and he never judge me, he just there with me, every time, always. He never ask me to be something, to do anything, he accept me for who am I. For whatever I am. He gives me unconditional love I can't ever get from others, he gives me warmth. He gives me stability, since he'll always there with me. I build my life around him, I plan our future together. I love him so dearly.
I cried for 3 days. Well not 3 days straight, But like at least 10-15 times a day. I barely eat, drink, or sleep for 3 days. Even breathing is hard to do. I finally get ill and my parent take me to the hospital. I have such a low blood pressure because I don't rest well and eat well. Finally on 3rd day, I talk to my high school best friend, she might not understand what I'am feeling. But at least I can cried in front of her. Besides of my high school best friend, I finally can talk to my dorm friends as well. And it went extremely well, they accept my sadness and tried to cheer me up.
Now, I rarely cried. At most I cried 1 time a day, and at bad day 2 times. Now, I can sleep, eat, and drink well. I can laugh and jokes around. I can hangout with my friends. I can function almost normally. Even so, I still can't do some things. Like:
1. Seeing his old favourite place without feeling like my heart sunk
2. I can't enjoy myself the way I used to
3. I can't used make up or perfume or dressed too nicely, for it makes me feels bad
4. Concentrate in class
5. Doing my assignment
6. Study
7. Touch and pet other cat or dog
8. Seeing cat or dog without feeling like my heart sunk
9. Heard his name without feeling like my heart sunk
10. Sleep alone, for I scared I'll be depressed
11. Committed to anything
12. Being in stressful surrounding
13. Being stress in general
14. Talk about cat or even pet in general without feeling like my heart sunk
15. I felt guilty for enjoying a nice good meal
16. I can't stop think about him
17. I often daze and daydreaming about him, which is not healthy
18. Living happy in general
19. I can't thinking myself being in love with someone in the mean time
20. I can't thinking myself love other pet beside him
21. I can't think straight or rationally
22. I'm still moody as hell
23. I can't let my self in love with someone
24. I pissed of so much from useless, annoying talk teenagers often do
25. I hate myself for grieving so much
26. I hate myself more if I don't grieving so much
27. Anything that reminds me of the last moments I had with him, kills me
I think I still have a long way to go. But I think it's alright, it's fine. One step at a time. As long I have supportive friends and family I think I can move on, slowly but sure.
Posted by Adre Mazaya at 12:56 AM 0 comments
Labels: serious talk
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Escape From Reality: A 10 Days Journey
"Ada sesuatu di hutan. Dibalik ketidakteraturannya, tersimpan keteraturan yang membuat kita betah, membuat kita merasa pulang. Bahwa ini rumah kita untuk selalu bisa berpulang."
Itulah yang dikatakan oleh senior saya di sebuah Unit Kegiatan Mahasiswa di IPB yang saya tekuni, UKM Uni Konservasi Fauna.
Saya selama 10 hari, dari tanggal 13-22 Januari, saya melakukan kegiatan rutin UKF yaitu Jelajah Halimun. Memang pada awalnya terasa tidak nyaman tinggal di tenda, tanpa sinyal, tanpa listrik, maupun peralatan modern seperti kamar mandi. Tapi kini setelah saya kembali ke rumah, ke kota Jakarta, ada rasa yang tertinggal. Seperti rumah ini bukan rumah saya, rasa tidak nyaman dan tidak aman. Saya merindukannya.
Saya merindukan udara yang segar, kabut yang menyusup di pagi dan malam hari, suara hutan. Ada sebuah simfoni yang indah di hutan itu. Rasa nyaman yang berbeda. Rasa spiritual yang kental. Saya tidak pernah bisa mendapatkan itu di kenyamanan dan kepraktisan kota. Apa hanya saya? Apakah aneh apabila saya lebih memilih hutan itu dibandingkan kenyamanan kota?
Ada yang lain di hutan itu. Di alam yang masih liar. Sebuah keteraturan yang membuat saya selalu ingin kembali. Ada sesuatu yang menenangkan, saya tidak mengerti apa. Saya merasa seperti pulang.
10 hari tanpa sinyal, tanpa listrik, tanpa peralatan modern. Saya tidak merasa kehilangan apapun. Saya malah merasa mendapatkan sesuatu yang lebih nyaman dibanding peradaban manusia, simfoni hutan dan udara hutan. Tidak akan bisa tergantikan oleh kecanggihan manapun.
"I love not man the less, but nature more."
-Lord Byron
Posted by Adre Mazaya at 12:23 AM 0 comments
Labels: serious talk
Monday, December 15, 2014
Sign
Am I that weird? Did chose the right path? For most part, I think I'm doing well. But am I?
The Idealist, The Dreamer.
Probably a way to define me. But why is it so hard to hold on? But I can't give up now. Not now, not ever. I have an idea, a dream for a better world.
Life is a mystery.
They works mysteriously.
So give me a sign...
I want to know
Did I make a good choice?
Did I chose the right path?
God, give me a sign...
Posted by Adre Mazaya at 1:10 AM 0 comments
Labels: Daily Post, Random
Friday, November 28, 2014
Merah (2)
Merah (2)
Dan aku kembali
Kisah lama terulang lagi
Ruang itu tak pernah hilang
Seperti malam yang selalu menyapa
Merah itu
Masih membekas takkan lupa
Aku pernah berdiri disini
Dan sekarang aku kembali
Tak lagi ada yang sama
Warna sudah berubah
Tapi merah selalu membekas
Ruang gelap itu memanggil
Apa aku ingin kembali?
Aku ingin lupa!
Senja tetap selalu berdarah
Dalam merah pekat membahana
Aku selalu terikat
Aku sudah berjanji
Kenapa pernah ada merah?
Aku ingin lupa
Posted by Adre Mazaya at 12:48 PM 0 comments
Labels: Random
Sunday, November 16, 2014
01:00 am post
So yeah, how are you? How have you been? It's been a long time since my last post. Forgive me.
Whoever are you, or maybe there's nobody there... I just want to share a bit of my story.
Things change a lot huh? It really is. I'm in vetenary school now, what a surprise since in the last 16 years I always want to be an architect. Why change? Because of things that happen to me ofcourse.
I had a really tough time. I can't say that my life is hard. Because on the outside it's not. But there's something that always bother me in my mind. And I always find myself lost. And lost again. But aren't we all lost?
What's life exactly? There's always question legt. I wanna know. For what reason I'm here. What's the meaning of this?
But I'm scared. The answer might not be good. And I'm scared. But aren't we all?
There's a really good movie I liked a lot, the title is It's A Kind Of Funny Story. I kinda find myself in that movie. And I really liked it, and have a nice songs too.
The reason I chose vetenary school and chose to be a vet is because I'm searching. For a meaning in my life. I believe I was born to do sonething, to make something better. I want to save animals because they saved me. They give me a meaning, a purpose. I chose to be a wildvet, because I want to save animals. And I will go as far as put my life on it. Yes, that's how much it's means to me to have meaning, a purpose to continue to live. Aren't we all need a purpose to live?
There's always part of me that hiden. Under the happy go lucky smile of mine.
Love have change a lot in my perspective. The one true love, is it really exist?
I'm changing a lot. And I noticed that. I think for some reason, God have put me trough all those shitty situation so I can become this. The probably better part of me.
I'm still learning, and still changing. To be something better to make a better world. But one thing for sure, my core will never change. The curious little kid who want to know about the meaning of life.
Night, night
Adre
Posted by Adre Mazaya at 1:27 AM 0 comments
Labels: Daily Post
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Hyouka: Suprisingly Very Mature And Deep
So my next review is Hyouka.
At the request of his older sister, student Hōtarō Oreki joins Kamiyama High School's Classic Literature Club to stop it from being abolished, joined by fellow members Eru Chitanda, Satoshi Fukube and Mayaka Ibara. The story is set in Kamiyama City, a fictional city in Gifu Prefecture that the author based on his real hometown of Takayama, also in Gifu. The fictional Kamiyama High School is based upon the real life Hida High School.
First thought:
Okay, this series okay... oh oh OH SHIT THIS IS AWESOME!! It's start of slow, real slow. But it's really good, all good. Especially the characters and their interaction. And AND even this series is like you know K-On or any Kyoto Animation series, it's suprisingly really mature and deep. It's a series about youth, about growing up. Very realistic. I like it a lot.
So here's my assessment:
Story 8/10
The story well... It's slice of life anyway, so the story is... You know, normal stuff. School, classic club, yada yada yada. Homever this series is actually in mystery genre, well that suprising... Yeah, there's some mystery solving, but the mystery isn't really a mystery. Solving why your teacher love airplane, or is one of the character really do see ghost, or searching an ending for unfinished movie, you know silly stuff like that. But I like that. I actually like that Hyouka is a mystery, without a any murders. Mystery series like Detective Conan is fun and all but it's unrealistic (seriously how many people died? Is that even possible). Hyouka is more realistic mystery series. With a realistic detective, who is smart but not that genius. He's just a normal guy.
Characters 10/10
Perfect 10 for the characters! It really is perfect! The characters is realistic, unique, and fun! An the interaction between them is superb. Okay first of, I can't really chose who is the best characters. But the way one of the character, Satoshi Fukube developing is priceless. It's really memorable and heartbreaking? I mean man! The one who smile and seem joyful all the time do really have deep and complex problem! Therefore maybe he is my favorite. MAYBE. But in Hyouka, all of the characters are awesome. Houtaro Oreki the main protagonist and his conserving enegy life, Chitanda Eru the girl I thought will be annoying turn out to be really loveable and well developed too, and Mayaka Ibara also the girl I thought to be annoying but turn out really complex and compelling. So yeah, Hyouka characters is the best part of it. Go watch it now! Oh and the romance between Mayaka and Satoshi, and Oreki and Chitanda is really good!! Sucker for more romance!
Animation 9/10
Beautifull, well it's Kyoto Animation anyway.
Sound 8/10
Nothing too special, but it's good.
Overall Hyouka is a nearly perfect anime series, with deep, complex, and loveable characters, nice story, and really beautiful animation. It's really close to perfection.
Best Episode: Episode 21, The Homemade Chocolate Case
Favorite Characters: Can't decide it!! Love them all!
Special Award: Kyoto Animation Best Anime Series
from yours only,
Adre
Posted by Adre Mazaya at 4:35 PM 0 comments